Behind the masks
by Crazed Kuriboh in the Corner
Summary: (Warning, stories will be one-shots full of angst and self hate!) Everyone wears a mask to hide what they fear others seeing. See what your favorite characters hide. Ryou is next!
1. Pressure

Disclaimer: The idea of this was mine. Yu-gi-oh is not, and neither is the song. The song is done by Staind, and I happen to love it. Please tell me what you think!

Warning: ANGSTY Seto! Thoughts of death! Pretty much what you would expect from this sort of fic. Enjoy!

Pressure

__

I just need this to be all right

I can't feel this another night

Seto burst into the Kaiba mansion as if the hounds of hell were at his heels. The door shut with a tremendous thud as he began to run up the stairs towards his vast bedroom. He didn't really see anything that he passed, the beautiful artwork hung on the maroon walls or the polished banister on the stairs or the other doors in the hall. It was happening again. Nothing else mattered but that it was happening, and he needed to stop it.

Things were too hard again. Kaiba Corp.'s stockholders were worried about the company's image now that their young CEO was no longer the best duelist in the world. They were losing confidence in him. He was losing confidence in himself. Yugi had beaten him on numerous occasions, taking his title along with his pride. Mokuba was pushing him away now because he was tired of having to convince his brother to even spend one hour having 'fun' or spending time with something other than his computer. So the feelings were coming back.

Seto felt helpless. He hated it, but it was what he felt when his hands began to shake. He tore open the door to his room. He needed to make this go away. The stress was too much now. Running for the bathroom connected to his own bedroom, he tried to focus on what he needed to do. He couldn't let his emotions take over. He had to fight it.

__

I can't take this, I come unglued

I might break down in front of you

Necessary to medicate

I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake

Once in the bathroom Seto opens the medicine cabinet. It is his hope, his only salvation. He could not bear it if anyone saw him this way. In the cluttered little storage space were many prescription bottles, and he grabbed at least four at first. Then two more. He's so tired. Tired of feeling this, tired of having to hide it, just physically exhausted completely. But he can't sleep.

Struggling to breathe he opens one bottle and downs three pills. Next he takes two from a smaller bottle. These drugs were what would save him. He still can't calm his heartbeat or take a deep breath no matter how hard he tries.

__

Can't see through this

Too much pressure

Drowning in this

Too much pressure

Seto has been struggling for months with this stress. This is not the first time he had come home from his office only to need several doses of medicine to calm his nerves and maybe even sleep. There has been too much for him to do. He wanted his title, but could not stand to lose again at Yugi's hands. He wanted to shut up his stockholders, but if he didn't get back his title as the number one duelist they would never stop. And he had no idea how to reach Mokuba anymore. This was hopeless. There was just too much to do and no way to get it done.

With sorrowful eyes he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. No, wait, that wasn't him. That was the arrogant bastard he had to be. That was the person he hated. The mask he wore. Seto Kaiba the cold-hearted billionaire was a persona he could not get out of. It was drowning him in an image of someone he couldn't stand to be anymore.

__

If you need me I'll be here

Half unconscious to escape my fear

Seto fell to his knees on the tile floor. He knew he would be there for the rest of the night, if the damn pills worked. Wheezing, he struggles to stay upright, his hands trembling while his eyes are half-lidded.

__

I can't take this, I come unglued

I might break down in front of you

Necessary to medicate

I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake

The pain didn't fade. It never has, and he was sure it never would. No matter what he does, no matter what pills the damn doctors give him, he's still Seto Kaiba. He's still the man he has come to hate. Still what his abusive stepfather molded him into. The pills were supposed to make him sleep and to stop his twitching, but it didn't seem as if either was working. If a sleeping pill worked it would put him under. Although he wasn't sure he was awake either.

__

Can't see through this

Too much pressure

Drowning in this

Too much pressure

Maybe there are tears in his eyes and that's why it's like he can't see as he leans the burning skin on his forehead against the cold wall. Seto can feel his hands shaking as he takes another dosage, trying so hard to escape, trying so hard to reach the surface. Why can't he escape?

But he knows why. He's too far in. He's too far-gone. He's lost in the image of the cold and cruel Seto Kaiba and in becoming lost in that image he also lost sight of his true self. He can't even remember what he was like before everything began to fall in a downward spiral. Nothing was like it had been then. He was no longer the boy his brother had known all those years ago, even though he wanted to be. Seto hated what he had become.

__

My head hurts

This shit isn't getting me high

My chest is so tight

Am I going to die?

My stomach's in knots as the room starts to spin

As I wait for this Valium to slowly kick in

Suddenly there is another wave of pain, and Seto grasped the sides of his head, curling on the cool floor in a fetal position. His chest feels tight and he wonders if this is the end. Could he be so lucky? Could he have taken too many dosages and now he would slip into the glorious bliss of death? While his chest burns his stomach twists in knots and he grimaces watching the room begin to spin before his half lidded azure eyes. This has never happened before. The pills haven't taken effect yet, damn slow medicine. Maybe he'd taken too much. Or maybe he hadn't taken enough. Why wouldn't the Valium kick in? Why couldn't the pain just go away?

Why couldn't this ever end?

__

Can't see through

Too much pressure

Drowning in this

Too much pressure

The room is still spinning, faster and faster, until everything begins to fade. Seto in on the floor on his back, the pill bottles rolling away from his bawled fists. His fingernails were digging into his skin now, drawing blood even though the rest of his body seemed almost completely limp, rubbery and useless. He can't stand what he has become, even if it was not by choice. How he wished he could cry, but pride and fear prevent it. A single tear is all that escaped his slowly closing eyes, and a moan barely surfaced from his throat.

__

TOO MUCH PRESSURE!

Seto Kaiba passed out on his bathroom floor, unable to take the pressure.

(End)

Crazed Kuriboh (CK): So, what did you all think?

Seto: What do I think????? I hate it! What have you done to me?

CK: I was merely trying to show another side of you. Duh.

Seto: * sighs and shakes his head *

CK: Anyway, I plan to do a little series of song fics for this sight, mostly angst ridden ones. I need some good feedback though. Anyone? Ryou will be next if I get some good responses to this.


	2. Suffer

****

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh or this Staind song. Please do not sue me.

****

Warning: Angst, self-hate, and mentions of abuse and torture. Ryou being made to go through hell.

Suffer

__

Suffer

Ryou locks himself in his room, falling to the floor. Holding his face in his hands he sobs, unable to control himself. The pain is just too much now.

__

The more you see the more you do

The television's feeding you

With what you want to hear

Anger and fear

Because you suffer

He can't stand what's been happening to his life in the past few years. It's become a down spiral ever since his father brought home that damned ring! He can't escape it, or the spirit inside, even if he were to mail it all the way across the world it would find its way back. And his Yami…his Yami was only getting worse, now getting ideas of new torture for his lighter half. 

The tears increase as images of just a few minutes ago flash through his mind. Ryou shakes his head, almost convinced now that he deserves what the dark one does to him, because he's weak. He wanted to be strong for Bakura, so that the spirit wouldn't be ashamed of him. So he endures the suffering, praying it would make him stronger.

__

The hate you feel won't go away

You're all programmed to feel this way

to live another day

within a world

that loves to suffer

Ryou hated it though. He couldn't withstand the pain. It was as if it were planted within him now, something he could no longer run from. But it also made him feel as if he's alive still in this strange world, this world that thrives on agony and suffering. He continues to cry.

__

And then I come to find

everything's okay

Seen this all before

but that was yesterday

I try to walk right through

the messes that I've made

just let me enjoy

the life here that I've made

The next day it was as if it had never happened. His Yami had never touched him. It's just falling back into routine. He'd done this all before with perfect mastery, acted like nothing was ever wrong, meeting up with his friends.

As he walked with his friends to school Ryou has the chance to reflect on how he keeps trying to face his own problems head on, so he doesn't tell anyone about what Bakura does to him. He just wanted to live the life he had _before_ the ring, and remember how happy he used to be. He can do this. He can survive. He can find his own life again.

__

I tried to keep it all inside

Didn't leave me too much pride

forced it all down inside

forced myself

to make me suffer

When he sat down at his desk he had to flinch. It still hurt. He hated it. He forced that down though, against his will, against his better judgement. It only adds to the pain but he needs it. He needed the pain to feel alive. To become stronger.

The more he suffered, the stronger he would get, right?

__

And then I come to find

everything's okay

seen this all before

but that was yesterday

I try to walk right through

the messes that I've made

just let me enjoy

the life here that I've made

Ryou had to go home at the end of the day, finally free of school. This is still routine, and mostly safe because his Yami refused to stay in the ring anymore so he wouldn't go to school. He knew he had to go home, even if he'd rather run out of the town. But he had to face the hand that fate had cruelly dealt him, and with a loud sigh he enters sadly thinking that he can't even remember the last time he was happy to be home.

__

And then I come to find…

Ryou froze in the doorway with a gasp. Bakura had been waiting for him. He could see in his dark half's smile that tonight was going to be another night of pain.

End

CK: So what do you think of this one? It was a little different than Seto's, but still kinda angsty. Had more to do with abuse though. Made sense with the song.

Neo: I don't get you. You actually thin people like this stuff?

CK: I can hope. My next plan is to do one that is either from Joey or from Malik. Any suggestions? I have songs picked out, just haven't made the final decisions on them.

Neo: Review her or she might stop posting all together! She's been very discouraged by the lack of reviews for the first chapter, but she had this chapter all set up on paper so she decided to do it anyway.

CK: Neo, don't tell them that!


End file.
